White Castle Breakfast

I'm not sure how to really follow up after Justine and Stuart's more serious posts, but um, I'm having another 24-hour emotional flood between my usual drought of feelings.
So Justine has already heard the first part of this story on the phone, but I'll go on anyways, there will be much less incomprehensible giggling this time:
So Chris and I had a great time on Saturday--we walked around Chelsea, got Thai food at the sidewalk place we went to last year (it has a great new redesign BTW, monochrome armchairs and pink walls with baroque chandeliers, and pride flags for the parade!), then went to Brooklyn Heights. We wandered around, found the riverside park, and sat there and chatted for 2 hours. It was one of those rare times when talking doesn't make me feel forced and uncomfortable and exhausted. He also makes lists of people he dreams of having at dinner parties.
Afterwards, we went to the Brooklyn Heights Cinema, which has great velvet seats, to see Moonrise Kingdom. I think it's tied with the Royal Tenenbaums as Wes Anderson's best movie and in the flood scene I was like "Where's George Clooney with the rolltop desk?" and he got the O Brother Where Art Thou? reference. We got ingredients for peach tea and cookies at a nice supermarket (he paid), took the Staten Island Ferry to cool off, and went back to the apartment. He complained about mass transit which was a downside, and I would have argued back but I didn't have any coffee yesterday.
Here's where it gets less innocent.
We made a giant cookie pie and peach tea with Snapple and Pellegrino. Then we threw in some Long Island iced tea (fyi, I learned it contains rum, vodka, and gin!) So after I got everything cooked I knocked back 2ish shots in my tea and followed with a Heineken, and we settled in at the table to watch Archer. Amazingly I didn't hurl. Oh, and while shitfaced we read William Safire's speech about the 1969 moon launch and talked about American history.
Then Alen and Drue walked in, which was SUPER awkward, no other word to describe it, and Alen plopped down on the couch to assert his territory or something. So we shuffled off to bed shortly thereafter.
After 5 hours of passing in and out of sleep, Chris rolls over as the sun is coming up and says something about how we keep inching closer to each other and what our relationship really is and we ended up cuddling for awhile.
Then I don't know who kissed who first, but we ended up making out and um stuff but not a home run. Then we got White Castle for a hangover breakfast, saw Marisa and Liam (they looked angry) and returned home to make out and um stuff some more. Which was incidentally very good. I was extremely surprised.
Then I walked him up to the D train and we made out at the station before I sent him off. So that was a BIG MTA and life goal accomplished. #margottenenbaum

Later this afternoon I emailed him because I started to feel weird after we'd kind of left our relationship status pretty ambiguous. I said I liked him a lot and wanted to know how he felt or something to that effect. He just emailed me back and said he also really liked me and even though we're both working a lot and are really far apart dating would be worth a try.

So, um, basically for the whole weekend I've been painfully and wonderfully aware of how I'm partly thinking like a really stupid teen girl, thinking about how he must be different, a bit, how even though he still seems immature his creative projects always make me crack up, and partly thinking about how I genuinely have never felt so excited to date a boy in my life, how easy it is to joke about little things with him, how--finally--it felt like the most balanced relationship I've had the potential to become involved yet. I never feel like I have to hide my nerdy urban studies factoids or pretend to like his music as I've done before. We argue and talk and unlike with Alex I never shy from snapping back at something he says (probably I did today but I haven't slept so I just nod along with almost anything). I'm trying not to go over another judgement-blinding, dizzying emotional waterfall as I did in freshman year, but I'm still trying to give it a modicum of hope.

I just don't know. I'm 19, not 30, and I think I can allow myself to hurtle into a relationship with someone I might just be able to love. Strong feelings are not really my strong suit, at least when it comes to relationships, but I really hope this is the time when I can finally let some of them out.

(OK I can't tell if I sound really dispassionate or really dopey sappy lovesick, but the point is I'm trying to tread the fine line in the middle).