Into the veld

Yesterday my mood ring was a filthy pukish greeny brown color. I was wallowing in self-pity and alienation.

I woke up at 3:30 this morning feeling relatively energized but damn that jet leg. I finally had my realization about what I learned in South Africa. All semester I was trying to figure out what had changed or was changing about me. I did sense I was less anxious and slightly more confident but that is slightly boring and not that dramatic to say to people.

Let's break it down.

1. Junior year of high school until let's say Fresh Air Fund (post-Freshman year of college) I was going through a rough phase (super stuck, negative, depressed, anxious, acne, pooping issues)
2. After fresh air fund, breaking up with my high school friends and Chuck, I lost some anxiety and was better able to deal with some shit. Throughout sophomore year really started working on not being anxious, being more confident, and trying to do me and have fun.
3. South Africa, I finally had that care-free college experience that I was not capable of having Freshman year, it was fun. By care-free I mean not fear based and I was doing what I wanted to do more of the time and not giving such a fuck. 
4. I feel renewed, I feel like my world is new. The newness is not like the newness of something I haven't seen before, the excitement of change, it's the newness of I haven't felt this way before or in a long time, I feel like I have entered a new phase.

I love you. Thanks for being my right-hand bitches through err thing,

Stuart